Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
