Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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