Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Randomize
