the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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