Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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