Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
