sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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