Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
