'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
