you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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