I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
