I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
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You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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