I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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