I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
