He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
