note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I deserve this hangover.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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