This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
