I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
