I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
