what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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