you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
