and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
