Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
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You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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