I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He better not be in your backpack
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
