so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
