You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
