so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
