why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
