i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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