$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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