Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
