i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
