i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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