Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
