There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
