so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
