i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
