We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
