Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
