youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
