I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
