nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
