Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
