I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
