Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
