last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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