the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Randomize
