he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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