My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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