I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
