A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
