Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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