Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
