There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
