you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
