i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
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theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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