the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
