There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
