if you like me you must not know who I am
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
