Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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