i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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