I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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