And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
