Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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