What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
