What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
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I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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