Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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