i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
this just has baby written all over it
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
