Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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