How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He did a backflip because drugs
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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