do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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