That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
