Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
