He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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