How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
