I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Randomize
