Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
